just want to write .....

just now..my friend ask me what is the wording of Day Taps..i know this song very good..so i sang it out..but..the wayi sang was the fast way of Taps..not the slow tune..when i was singing out just now..my brain suddenly flash back to my stay in sangam..which the 1st time i heard this way of taps...i still remembered i was so shock when i heard that especially i still in the circle..haha..that night make me feel like..oh..guiding is really fun! i was so sad..because i forgot about this for more than 1 years..
there was an incident that make me feel very annoyed..actually it was just an email...but i really very angry..and i decided to reply them with not very good tune..i thought i din send out that email..but..actually i already send it out..this misunderstood were happened between me and the connection..hahaha..luckily it was the first email had been send out..if the second..i dono what is going to happen..because they are extremely not professional..
sometime i ask myself...What is Girl Guiding? What is the purpose of Girl Guiding? Why i still stay in Girl Guiding? Is it Girl Guiding is for all ages of Girls and Women? i really confused with all this simple questions..
Why? because i am confused by all the adults that are crazy about Powersssss, about revengesss(it should be appropraiate), and every evil things..now..i really disapointed by my association..i keep on asking myself..should i still stay in there? or this is the end of my journey in this association? may be..others will think that i am so childish and stupid..just go away if i feel like i want to..but..i have been in this association for more than 10 years...if i choose to quick.,.means i need to put down half of my life...luckily..i still have some friends and guiders that can really guide me and listen to me and give me some advise..
sometime i feel sad..because i not really can write what i want to write in my blog..sometime even in my facebook..why? because there are spysssss in facebook...WTH? i really dono what to do with these adultssss ( i not sure whether they are in the category of mature )...i not really can write what i like anywhere..
but..today..i post this in my blog..mean i don care what is going to happen..if the spysssss read this..i also don mind..if you are the spysss that read this post..and you prepare to tell someone..just go for it..i don care...
this is what i feel today...
huh!! seem like tonight is an angry night..
@@, ==

tidy up = memories...

today..i was forced by my mom to tidy uo my room and my cupboard..it was a long long tidy up..in the end..we throw away things and clothes that can fully fill in 2 big big boxes..in the middle of tidy up..a lot of memories pop up in my brain while looking through all the 'craps'...it was fun..until i saw a picture..it should be a happy picture..but because of 'pn tang' is in the picture..it become an angry picture. i cant understand why i still hate that teacher though that incident been 7 years now..i still can remember all the things that she did to me..now i understand why my mom said..try not to hate someone..because once you hate someone, you might hate him/her for life..
then..i also throw away a lot of old old guiding tshirt..feel so sad to throw it away..but it seem really old and i cant keep on keep them like that..soi decided before i give them to someone, i will have a photo with all the tshirt..its probably the best way to keep those tshirt..
its been 3 weeks back from sangam..yesterday i was extremely miss my stay in sangam..i miss katey..manisha, jill and priyanka so so much..guys..i miss all the joke, all the care and all the voices...
hope everyone doing good...

a busy night and day...

i was home...parent home..home sweet home...last night...at around 2330...then we went to have late late dinner..my parent brought me to my favourite curry noodle..so so tasty..wahahaa..
and then..i started my preparation for my branch meeting the next day about my stay in India...guess what..i too excited doing my preparation until i forgot that i should sleep early...and i really sleep early which is i went to bed at 7am just now...wahaha..when i did preparation for the presentation...i thought of Katey..the spinning Sangam Logo...haha..i keep on laughing when i thought of that..so funny...
then...i wake up at 9.20am...had my lovely breakfast with my mom and then i tried my uniform..wah!!!thanks god! i still can fit in..hehe...i not really put on weight..hehehe..
then ..1100 i went to Hotel Seri Malaysia..i was so happy to meet my branch commisioner..so happy to chat with her..feel so so harmony...
oops...its time to get back to my preparation for meeting..hehe..^^

a day....

back to malaysia for 2 weeks already...life full of meeting people..watching movie..catching drama..drawing warli art...catch up mandarin song, cantonese song, malay song and english song....today was a typical meeting people and movie day..
my day start with reserving ticket for 6pm movie..then i went to mid valley to meet my red cresent junior...we always went to mc donald for chit chat and gosipping.,..but today..mc donald was full house..then we changed to domino's..and then our nightmare beginsssss....
things started with bread sticks..we ordered combo for 4...we only got 3 bread sticks..i felt weird coz it's combo for 4..it should be at least 4...and then..another tiny bowl of salad..we all laughed at the salad...is that for 4?? so little...and then... a REGULAR pizza came..that time..we all realised that it must be mistake..coz pizza that we ordered was a LARGE pizza....then we ask the manager for changed...but their service was so so so so so so slow....luckily i learned patient from Sangam..or else i must be very very angry and refuse to pay...
then...we go watch Tsunami...it was a korea movie and all about tsunami..after that movie...i feel like everythings that happened were a little fault that done by human and the impact became so so so big...as example..the professor in that movie keep on tell his manager about the tsunami and they should take precaution...but because of the it just may be attitude..and this become a big mistake..and cause died of a lot poeples....
a lot of thought today....but i wish everyday will be a great day...
wish everyone all the best..

another day

today....pass very fast..
i spent my half day to fill in the eval form and then go had late lunch and then meet people..and then..today finish...haha..today feel better already..not that bad..but..still miss my stay in sangam...hope everythings alright and all the best to everyone.

weird...weird...

today...was the 3rd day i backed to malaysia..
so weird..i feel nothing to my friends...everythings...
i feel like a human that don have feeling anymore..everythings very very weird..i feel like i want to run away from all my life and start with new life...now..i am wonder...life before i had..was it the life i want? i shouldnt feel this way...i know..its really really weird..
i dono how to describe my feeling...this make me more worst..because i dono who should i talk to..i really feel bad..like everything go wrong and wrong and wrong..
somtime in just wonder...should i went to sangam for 4 months? may be is time to change...can someone tell me what should i do?what should i focus in?
i really wish to say S***

home sweet home

hallo everyone...
i already back to malaysia..
i spend my time lonely yesterday because something happened..this make me feel very bad..coz i really miss all the people in sangam..here..no good night hugs, no hannah montana, no lizzie mcguire..no coke..no bollywood..no everything...i try to watch Kambath Isqq to make myself better..but..so so sad..i still cant cope it..i was regret that i don go back to my parents house..
i really miss you all...i hope i can cope it as soon as possible..

a weird feeling day...

today...
we had eval meeting....eval...eval...eval...things went quick nice until some issues that we couldnt agree with them ....should i said them?? hmm....probably should...
then i feel so sick about this...i feel that was pointless..but..when K said laminate that potion..try to think back..its actually quick good....hmm...hmm...its true....after that i feel quick good...
just now....we had our last welcome ceremony..hehe..it went quick well..it was so funny when we came back and said...bye bye WAGGGS saree..hehe...
then we went to chicken man shop..the original plan was having Lassi..but we all end up with noodles...icecream..hehe...crazy right? hehe...
this is what Sangam life is...hehe...

moody...moody...moody...evening...

this moody moody evening was not tonight..but i just want to write about it because it was very silly and unbelievable...i got so mad with my colleague because of small matter..i was so mad and i skipped my dinner...skipped the whole evening session..when they come and knocked my door...try to talk to me..but i refused to respond...i feel so bad..coz it was a small matter and they were doing for my own good...i really cant understand why..why..why..
i think there were something happened and i choose to ignore the feeling and realize what had happened..
luckily...everything went well..i really hope i can control my emotion and these similar emotion wont happened again..
^^

a messy day...

today everything seem alright until letchimy road tour...its really messy until i couldnt believe it...i knew its going to happened but not that crazy..people totally not on time...we wait and wait and wait...during the tour ..i really miss people from UK....==

but the finding your aim session run quick good....everything seem to be settle down a bit after i talk to E...when 1 participants come and said thank you...i really forget the feeling of being thankfull..

this event seem like need more afford than the past event..people here really have different culture...on time is a culture as well...there a lot of tolerate that everyone need to give...we need to be more patient...more understandable...this is really international..hehe..

i hope everything will getting better tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow..

an emotional day...

i don like things come to me too much in the same time....unfortunately today i got it...this was the first time i feel so tired..exhausted..depress...annoyed..upset..bla..bla...bla..i feel so sorry to people around me cause i kind of rude when they ask me rest..i am so sorry..i also found that...the best way to make myself release is just do extreme exercise...cant believe myself act did 100 push up...if i can do it every day..i know i m gona be awesome..but don want to depressed every day...

just now ...watch a movie call rule of engagement..i din finish that movie because i was feeling tired and felt a little bit angry....the story was about a troop of US army went to Yamen to rescue the US embassy officer because they had very serious demonstration..the local were very aggressive and the had riffle as well..when the army reach..they not really start fire them..and lots of the got injured because they din fire back...and when the captain of the troop came..he ask the soldiers to fire..and in the end 83 peoples died..include old, young, women and children..and he got trouble with court because the government have problem in diplomatic....

i really couldnt understand...what the hell are they thinking? i know this happened in reality as well..we always said killing women, young, children, old are inhuman..then why they come in the aggressive demonstration? why bring the child? when the soldiers got attacked by them..they are not included in inhuman..but when the soldiers fire them...that this will call inhuman?

do we ever think what are their feeling? i don think they feel good as well when they been ordered to kill...but ..what can they do? if the others don die..they will probably die..so..if you and me are in their position..what will we do?

when we keep on said..no war...no war...what act we need to do? war wont happened just because 1 side want war..there always involved in 2 side..so.think about it...

i am not an expert..i just want to share my feeling and point of view...

a busy day....

today was the first day of WAS...day start with flag and breakfast..after that...we did some last preparation for the event and the day..after that..i feel so tired..then i went for a nap and woke up at lunch time.
after lunch..we start the session.there are only less than 25 participants for this event..it seem so quiet and we only need the inside part of the dining...
we had welcome ceremony in the evening...its only 2 aarti, 2 gallon and 2 candles...the horshoe look so tiny...when we sang tapas, the circle even smaller..
in this event, we have 3 participants that are muslim..and they are fasting this month..i almost forget about this muslim things since i am here..suddenly i feel sad.coz its almost time to go back home..i know i miss malaysia..but i know i will miss sangam as well..
sad .. ;(

A weird day...

Day start with breakfast with participants whose arrive early for the event..my table only had 3 people included me. this gave me opportunities to talk with katsuko. and i accidentally know that Pn T. went to Japan before as the AP Trainer. This made me reflect. I work with her for 6 months because of undergraduate students training and i really don think that she is a great trainer. but she is one of the AP Trainer....reflect..reflect..

then, me and priyanka call to GGAM because GGAM promise they will send a girl to the seminar under Sangam Scholarship, but we still din get her flight detail. because i feel bad that if the girl reach here blankly and dono what to do in Mumbai. so we call to GGAM. but..when we get the answer that the girl couldnnt come because of swine flu. i really feel upset, ashamed, mad..i dono whether this is the real order from the ministry or just a extremely comfortable reason for not coming for the seminar. i feel ashame because as a national HQ, they should let Sangam know earlier and Sangam probably can giv the scholarship to other MO.they should know the responsibilities of them. when i worked in National HQ..the staff always complain the branch always reply everything in last minutes and made our life suck..but...they did the same thing in international level..so ..what should they aspect others do good to them? i really feel ashamed..i always tell myself..put it down..let it go..but i know..i still care..i really care..

then..we had official welcome for the cvps..we played an easy but fun game..everyone enjoyed it..even the local staff..then we had cake...the strawberry cheese cake were so yum..this made my mood become better..

then..we had pre-event meeting PT and other staffs..the meeting was so short because there only 7 days for this event and most of the sessions we already fix and know what to do..

in the end of the day ( i mean before dinner ) i feel so tired. dono why my head so heavy and make me feel so tired..i am glad that we all decided to rest tonight..

the event start tomorrow..this is my last event in Sangam..hope to do my best...

Movie..Movie...

there are few movie that i like here..i wish to share with you all..either to my friends or to strangers that just happened to read my blog..

let me see...em..




this is kind like stupid and ridiculous when i first watch without english sub title..but after today..it seem like quick good..and they have good song in it..^^



this is om shanti om..this is very good..i like the story line...that the hero come back to new life with all the memory that the life before..its totally unimaginable..but..nice...the songs are awesome...



this is another good one..the story is easy and light..its all about how they met..and from enemy become couple...the song that dance in beach and water is awesome..





this one brilliant..its all about how the indian try to avoid paying triple taxes to britsh by the cricket game..in the beginning..the whole villagers were against amir khan for taking the challenge...but the end up support him..its very dramatic ..






this is another good one..its about a young man and his dream..he fall in love with a girl that he shouldnt and this really ruin his life...this movie really have good song but the hero cry a lot...^^





this is about band and their dream and how they got split out and get along again...i like the dramatic..like they can put down the bad memory because they cant really face it although after 10 years..until they realise the were wrong..the song are brilliant..





this is great..this is all about a kid that had problem in reading and writing..there were no one who understand his problems even his own parents feel he is just miss behave until the met his art teacher Nikumb..Nikumb totally change his life and made him become a brilliant student..its very educational...



this is my first bollywood movie..its about how FBI ruin people life becase they believe he is a terrorist of 911 and act turn a person to a real terrorist after that..this is a very touch movie and the ending is sad..


i think thats all for today..these are all the movies that i like that i can think of..i will post more if i remember that..hehe...if possible ..try watch them..they are good...

Great Day Off

Day start with Final Destination IV....i still like the concept that everyone have their destination..and the story not that boring..but i still kind like don like that movie..may be there too much of disgusting scene..and may be the funny ending..then we had lunch in KFC..dono why..i still felt KFC is so expensive here..

after that..we head back to Sangam..
and then..we watch Kambakthh Ishq with english sub title...its make more sense now and seem like its not that bad after all..






then..i was so excited because there was a Hong Kong movie in World Movie Channel ( 351)..it was "jiang hu" in chinese..thats the first time i really finished watched that movie..it was so good...
at 4.30pm..we went to MG Road for shopping...i bought the punjabi bottom and durpatta..its in dark green...like it very much..and then..we went to Planet M...wah!! we did a lot of DVDs shopping today..its all bollywood movie.. its very funny...since we got here..we only bought 4 english movies..sound like we are big fans of bollywood movie..i was so happy today..because finally i got Lagaan and Salam Namaste..i got the Taree Zammer Par sound track as well..
and then...we went to this awesome restaurant..i think the name is East Street Cafe..i had chicken briyani..it was so nice.....and the fresh lemon water were so good...we had little chat about how are we going to meet in future...it was fun..really fun..
9.30pm..its time to go back..guess what..its only rs80 to get back..it was so reasonable..
today was great..i will keep today in mind...

testing testing

testing ..testing..
this is the first post..
hmm..what should i write??
tell you all a little bit about myself...
i am gwen...currently in India..but i am Malaysian..
i will go back to my country in 28 days...
hmm..this is testing post..so..will let you know more about me in next post...
^^